Recently a colleague of mine, David Hamilton, had asked me to share some insights with his community. David is a Lifestyle Coach that helps successful men gain the confidence they need to connect with the women that they desire.
David and I worked together several years ago when I was still shy and awkward with women. I was just coming out of my marriage and knew I wanted to do something about the fact that I had never dated the kind of women that I was really attracted to.
This was also when I was “rounding the corner” on my weight transformation. I found that the changes I was making for my health deeply impacted my confidence, anxiety levels, stress, and ability to succeed with women. Taking good care of my health was a huge catalyst in not only my weight loss, but in my ability to date the women I wanted to and eventually create a new amazing relationship.
Here is what I shared with his community.
The truth is that so many of the challenges that keep you from attaining badass health are also contributing to your anxiety or lack of confidence. So here are some of my best insights and strategies.
Move Your Body
If you aren’t consistently stepping into masculine movement you are setting yourself up for some serious mind-body traps. We all know how important it is to consistently exercise to improve our health, so I won’t twist your arm on that. However did you know that the number one way to lower your anxiety and improve your mood is 20 minutes of strenuous exercise?
When you aren’t exercising, you are not moving enough oxygen through your body and it makes it hard for many metabolic functions to do their job, including calorie burn and muscle building. Your body is like a fire. It needs quality fuel and oxygen to keep burning.
When you do exercise regularly it improves your dopamine and serotonin production, lowers your cortisol and keeps your nervous system in relaxation response for hours after you work out. What that means is that you are priming your mind to be able to handle challenging situations like approaching a woman you are attracted to or saying “no” to your boss. Your body carries less stress and creates less negative and anxious thoughts when you exercise.
You feel so much more accomplished, proud and confident. When you are pushing your body and taking care of it, you learn that you can handle so much more than you thought you could. I’ve learned that quality women want a man who is taking care of himself. They want to have a “Healthy King” that will treat them like a queen. They want to know that you can protect them, that you will have the energy to keep up with them in bed, and that if there is a future together that you will be around and present for them as a physically capable badass.
Cut Back on Caffeine and Sugar
This is all about your nervous system. To really get a handle on confidence, anxiety and sexuality, you must take care of your nervous system. Caffeine and sugar are not bad but in excess they destroy your body and have powerful impacts on your mood. Most men in the modern world are taking in highly excessive amounts of caffeine and sugar.
What is considered normal these days is more than the body has evolved to handle.
Caffeine influences your body to be more frequently and easily in sympathetic nervous system dominance. That means stress. Stress is designed to influence a fight, flight or freeze response. When you are in even a low level stress response your negative thoughts are on overdrive. Our negative pattern seeking is a brilliant evolutionary survival instinct but you don’t want your body already in fight or flight when you are deciding if you will go in for the kiss. Nor do you want fight or flight to be more intense right before that job interview. Those situations will always be stressful. Why make it harder on yourself?
Sugar wreaks havoc on the body and brain. It slows you down mentally, zaps your energy, and limits your ability to focus and execute. Not to mention it is the number one contributor to challenges with weight. One of secrets to decoding my anxiety and confidence issues was sugar. Still to this day, if I have a sugary drink or extra dessert, I’m irritable, negative, sluggish and needy. Trust me, this does not get my girlfriend “in the mood”. Try cutting back on sugar, watch your energy soar, your waist shrink and your confidence skyrocket as a result.
Change Up Your Diet
Look it’s 2017, no one thinks it’s cool to still eat like you’re 19. It might taste good to you, but it’s time to step up. When you make an effort towards healthier eating, you always feel more confident about who you are and how you represent yourself in the world.
A diet higher in fiber, healthy fats, healthy proteins, a variety of plant based foods will literally change your life. If weight is a problem you will most likely lose some…and that’s not even the real benefit. The real benefit is that your body and mind work as they are intended. You are no longer poisoning yourself with crap food designed by mega corporations to control you and our economy.
Women, family members, employers, and friends all want to be around men who take care of themselves.
The people in your world, especially women, want to be inspired by how you treat yourself. They want to know that you care deeply about what goes in your body. They are inspired by healthy men. They are turned on by men who are awake, present, energetic, responsible, fun, confident and strong. They are turned on by “Healthy Kings”.
Keep Your Commitments
Every time you start some new workout program or diet and then quit before it’s done, you are making it physiologically harder for your body to respond next time. More importantly, it erodes your confidence and self worth. This is why I only work with clients for 6 months or longer. You need to commit to consistent action and follow through to get long term results.
The ability to commit for the long haul, navigate the setbacks, understand the plateaus, and grow each time you hit an obstacle is what it truly takes to create change. It doesn’t matter whether we are talking about health, dating, career or social skills. It’s the guy who keeps getting up and learning and maintains his commitments that gets the results.
Taking action creates new stories about who you are. Keeping your commitment builds your confidence and displays to the world around you that you have the fortitude and resilience to handle what life throws at you.
Find Your Support
When it comes to creating change, you might be able to do it alone, but you are much more likely to succeed with the right people around you. Imagine if you had a group of strong men around you that cared about your results in life. Imagine that you could learn and grow as you watch them take on similar challenges. Imagine if those men cared enough to hold you accountable.
I’ve interviewed lots of men who have had a hard time creating a healthy life. They are stuck in the pattern of starting and stopping and they create a negative story surrounding their sense of worth and discipline. The vast majority of the time they do not employ the help of others to support them in creating what they say that they want.
I interview lots of men who have created a healthier lifestyle, or a thriving business, or an amazing sex and dating life. They always have a few things in common. One of the glaring realities is that they find the support they need from coaches, trainers, consultants, family and friends. They never go at it alone.
So those are some of my top insights for creating a healthier life, building confidence, managing anxiety and engaging with women.
If you know it’s time to do something about your health, confidence, stress and dating life, I want you to fill out the application below and apply to join my upcoming men’s group coaching program.